


things i just can't say

by demonladys



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26353090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonladys/pseuds/demonladys
Summary: It’s difficult for Chris to ask her girlfriends for love.
Relationships: Kohinata Miku/Tachibana Hibiki/Yukine Chris, Kohinata Miku/Yukine Chris, Tachibana Hibiki/Yukine Chris
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	things i just can't say

**Author's Note:**

> cw: dissociation
> 
> i've been having a difficult time getting myself to write lately. wrote this to hopefully get myself back into a creative headspace. i didn't edit it at all, but i hope you enjoy.

It’s difficult for Chris to ask her girlfriends for love.

She’s lying across the couch with her back against the cushion and eyes toward the ceiling, tapping away mindlessly at some mobile game that she can’t be bothered to remember the name of. She’s got bags under her eyes from being totally unable to sleep after moving in and maybe that’s her fault for being too stubborn -- or too nervous? -- to ask if there’s room for three on the bed. She rubs her wrist across her eye to wipe some of the sleep from it.

She can’t help thinking of that dummy’s earnest grin or Miku’s gentle smile. She knows so well how kind the two of them are. If she asked for affection, if she asked to be held by either of them they’d gladly accept before she even finished the request. So, why? Why is it so hard to just say ‘I wanna hold hands’ or ‘Can I sleep with you two tonight?’

Maybe it’s because of that other thing she knows so well -- the hurt of broken trust. To open herself up to someone and have only scars to show for it… no matter how many times she goes through it, how many times she remembers, it doesn’t go away. Her arms grow numb and she fumbles her phone from her hands. And she’s just as guilty of it herself.

She’s slipping. Something is slipping from her. Whatever remains of her in her husk of a body is too lost in a hole of trauma to even check if she cracked her screen with that fall. This apartment was supposed to be her haven yet here she is, being torn at the seams all on her own. She’s being pulled away from herself into… who knows where? Who cares where? Who-

_ Creeeeeaaaak. _

“Chris-chan! We’re home!”

Hibiki’s voice fills the apartment and Chris slowly starts to return to herself. Ha, it’s funny how hearing her voice is enough to make her feel at ease now. When she used to find it so annoying. The connection between her mind and the world around her gradually seeps back into what it should be.

“Chris-chan?” Miku asks, entering inside.

“A-ah!” Once Chris notices Miku in the threshold between the entrance and the living room, she leaps from the couch and stumbles onto her feet. “You’re home early?”

“Huh? We’re usually home earlier than this, though.”

Chris reaches for her phone off the floor -- thank god it’s not cracked -- and clicks the button to check the time. 5:43 PM. She’s right; usually the two of them are off work by five and manage to make it home within half an hour. She can’t believe she was out of it for that long, what the hell? “Guess I lost track of time.”

Miku frowns, concern forming on her lips as she sets her purse down on the den table and approaches. She opens her mouth, but before she can speak, she’s interrupted by a dummy. Hibiki, with her typical energy of an overeager puppy, darts into the living room and tosses herself toward the couch, throwing her arms around Chris and giving her a wet smooch on the cheek. “Chris-chan!!” She leans in close and nuzzles Chris’ cheek. Chris considers pushing her away but her brain isn’t working fast enough to retaliate against Hibiki’s affection. “We missed you!”

“H-hey!” She tries to push Hibiki away, but she’s not trying very hard. This kind of touch is… nice. She’d rather stay like this than push it away but when she realizes that, there’s an immense guilt boiling up in her heart like she doesn’t deserve this love or maybe Hibiki will betray her, too.

“Did you miss us too?” Hibiki asks.

“You always ask that! Hmph!” Her face is red but she won’t give a direct answer.  _ “Of course I missed you,”  _ she thinks to herself in the deepest crevice of her mind.

From her other side, there’s two soft fingers lightly pressing on her arm. Chris turns her head to find Miku, a gentle smile welcoming her, asking for her hand in return. Chris moves her hand toward Miku’s with caution. Carefully, it floats near Miku’s until their fingers collide and fit together and suddenly there’s a warmth in her heart. She can’t help but pout.

“Chris-chan,” Miku takes a seat next to her and leans on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. I’m fine.”

The index finger from Miku’s other hand soon pokes against her cheek, pushing the skin and leaving an indent as Miku’s tone grows the slightest bit irritated, but clearly filled with worry. “Chirs-chan, don’t lie to us.”

When Chris glances back to Hibiki, the dummy’s eyes also start to show a sense of empathy. “Yeah! You can tell us anything, you know!”

Trapped between affection from the two girls she loves and plagued by years of broken trust, Chris takes a deep breath. Inside her stomach is everything -- everything she’s ever felt since the moment they accepted her into their lives. And then, she releases.

“...Fine. But promise you won’t laugh!”

“I promise!” Hibiki shouts.

“I would never,” Miku says with a nod.

“Erm... “ If Chris had any free hands she’d be twiddling her thumbs right about now, pouting with a blush across her face. “I hate how hard it is for me to ask for this kind of thing… but...“ She can feel Hibiki peering closer, as Miku’s grip gently tightens around her own. “I want to… try sleeping in the bedroom with you two tonight.”

“Chris-chan…” Miku starts. Hibiki’s breath starts to form something like a laugh but Chris catches Miku giving HIbiki a leer of death before she can make a sound. “We’ve been thinking about asking you to join us, but we thought you needed space to yourself.”

“O-oh! U-uhh, well…” Chris grumbles quietly to herself -- god, why are these two so considerate! “I kind of did, but… i-it’s hard, you know!” She keeps her mouth shut after failing to elaborate on what she means.

But Miku’s gentle giggle, and Hibiki’s hands ruffling through Chris’ hair show that they understand even without the words. Miku smiles before leaning forward, using her free hand to cup Chris’ cheek. Miku’s lips grow near, and her breath is so comforting, as are Hibiki’s fingers stroking her head as if Chris were a kitten. With the press of two lips together and the tender touch brushing through strands of ivory, Chris knows she can feel the slightest bit at ease around these two dorks. Maybe trust is something she can feel even now. Because no matter what happens, they’re looking out for her.


End file.
